You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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