I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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