My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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