Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
