i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nutella sex= disaster
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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