Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
