Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
