I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
