i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We got so high we made milksteak
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
