If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
