Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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