I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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