The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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