Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
