I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
