My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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