I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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