I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
