you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
