I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i out mim tonsoeep
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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