I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
