i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
