i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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