I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize