he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
