and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
