Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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