still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
