just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
