The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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