My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
