Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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