Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
