how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
