i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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