uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
