i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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