Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
