so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
