He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
