Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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