either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She bit a glass in half.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
