sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
