Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
