I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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