i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
