i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
