True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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