everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
