Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
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You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
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But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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