The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
