There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
