check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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