i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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