Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
