just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
