Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
