I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
