Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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