I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
