i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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