i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
