Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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