o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
