I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
