Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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