I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
