Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
